I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
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