Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize