Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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