I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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