Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
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she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
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At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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