Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
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He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
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And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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