I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize