he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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