I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
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