Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize