is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
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Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
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Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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