Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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