Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
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They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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