I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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