i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize