What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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