Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize