Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Sorry about my life...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize