I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
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recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
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I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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