I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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