Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize