dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize