My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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