He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
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I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
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I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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