I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
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Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
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Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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