You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize