So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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