If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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