you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
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I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
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It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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