I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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