am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
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I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
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also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I forget how to act sober
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