i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
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You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
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Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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