Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize