When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize