You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize