My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
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I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
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And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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