Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize