The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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