Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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