Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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