One girl and one boy is just not enough.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
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I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
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woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize