why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize