we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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