She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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