Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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