you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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