This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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