u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
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just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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