Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize