here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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